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[Oct. 15th, 2006|01:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  I'm sure there's meds for this | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Everything to Everyone- Everclear | ] |
I hate today.
I feel very very alone. I can't seem to apply to any colleges. I keep finding more things wrong and all I want to do is cry and eat chocolate on the floor in the kitchen. We don't have any chocolate, so that's just one more thing. Life changes directions very fast, for anyone who hasn't noticed, yesterday was good, I was happy, real happy. Now I can't even clean my room because I'm so lonely and sad about everything. I don't want to be alone but I don't want anyone to see me like this. Wish I wasn't so stupid.
I apologize for only posting when I'm sad and whiney, but who really wants to read about how great everything is? and who ever talks about it? I don't normally have to work through being happy, sorry.
I miss Stephanie.
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|09:48 pm] |
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| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Did You? -Hoobastank | ] |
La.
I'm in a very weird mood, it really wants to be happy but is bogged down by headache and lonely. Other than those life is lovely, everything is working out pretty well. I'm feelin pretty okay with everything, which is kinda freakin me out. I hope to see everyone soon.
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|07:02 pm] |
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| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | She's got a Girlfriend Now | ] |
Ello, just an update for the sake of updating I suppose. I'm in a real good mood these day so I don't need to come on here to whine xP La. Anyways... right nevermind.
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:30 am] |
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Jimmy Hall should die. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|11:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Theatre | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | anxious | ] |
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| | Chatter | ] |
So I\'m at work, and it\'s stupid because it\'s baseball, but I don\'t mind so much. I\'m on Nathan\'s proxy server thing, and nothing with java works, like aim, or meebo. so I can\'t talk to anyone. it is very lonely up here. I hope I remember how to turn of the boards. I\'m gonna go read my script now, because I\'m stage manager and I have to read the script (AHHHH!!) this throws into harsh reality the fact that I\'m a senior, and while everyone that reads this has already gone through this and is thinking I\'m so lame, it still really frightens me. Fryk makes everything better.
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|06:58 am] |
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| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Changed my Name" Sugarcult | ] |
I am rediculously tired and I don't know why. That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|04:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Splender "Yeah, Whatever" | ] |
So! I'm thinking of starting this up again. I find I remember more of my life when there's some record of it. I'd like to remember a bit of senior year.
Speaking of which, senior year kinda blows already. I miss seeing people. I don't walk to most of my classes with someone, I don't share my locker anymore (I didn't even bother hanging things), and I don't have really anyone to sit with in the morning. I do have a good lunch hour this year. From a purely academic aspect, I suppose it's not so bad though. I hope things pick up now that tech is starting. It will be okay.
Life is very slow with everyone being busy or at college, I miss you all. I'll try not to dwell.
Let me know if you think it's a good idea to keep this up or not?
Farewell. |
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| yeah.. so |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Perfect Fit -Dresdon Dolls | ] |
So um, I'm real tired these days... of everything. I don't like people so much anymore either. But that's not so bad, since I'm not much on upkeep. Everyone seems real far away, and I'm not doing anything to fix it. And I keep say that if they care then they'll do something, but it's probably me. No one's really been friendly to me since winter break (except Jello, Danielle, and Tim, who don't read this anyways). Make me real sad, I used to be so close with people and now I'm just someone you say hi to in the hall or talk to between a certain class or share a locker with for convenience. Sorry.
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|07:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  shiver-y | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Call and Answer- BNL | ] |
So first post in a good long time.. uh, had an interesting day today... I like hanging out with the guys, even though I'm horribly awkward. I don't have much to say, except I really need to do my homework..
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|12:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  broke | ] |
well I woke up late today and didn't go to school, actually I woke up too late to go to drill and thought it better to not go to school...
I've realized something. I'm broke. I don't like being broke, it's not a good feeling. And what bothers me most is that I've paid hundreds of dollars for other people, just through highschool. Giving gas money I can understand, but I've bought people countless meals, paid for anything they ask, and now I barely scrape by and no one seems to care. And I've looked for jobs, but everywhere in walking distance can't or won't hire me. It just makes me tired, a lot of things make me tired these days.
I'm just staying in today... I don't really think I'll be too fun to be around. |
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| !!!!! |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|05:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  gleeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 'I don't need to know that' | ] |
I have the internet again!!! I'm very happy, and I refuse to let anyone screw that up right now. I'm done for now
Mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|03:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  yes | ] |
In Josh's basement, I'm alive... now I'm done |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|06:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | orange | ] |
one last day, then tomorrow ill be on a plane, and the second tomorrow, which will still be tomorrow after 38 hours, i will be at home. i leave nagasaki at 1105 and get to california at 1130, and i have a 5 hours lay over in tokyo, which is undergoing a typhoon right now. joy.
i called jess this morning. just to use up my phone card, im glad i did, she made me know i wasnt going to go through the return home depression they warned me about. they say that when you get back, no one will care as much as you want them to. and i was starting to think that. since no one was emailing me anymore, and no one left any comments much anymore (i know i bitched about getting comments that ridiculed what i felt, but i didnt want everyone to stop commenting entirely) and everyone just sounds busy. but i think thatll be okay.
ive started working on learning to shade better. i was always bad at it, might as well better myself. i think when i get back ill make a DA account and post all my japan art, just cause. none of its that great, and its all on yellow lined paper. but i dont really care...
みか |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|06:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
hello all! 2 more days and ill be on a plane back home. while i really look forward to it, i kow im going to miss it here. i mean theres plenty i dont like, mostly the lack of my people that i need, but its so beautiful, and i really like it here. if i could move everyone i care about here, id never want to leave. except maybe during earthquakes. there was one in tokyo yesterday or the day before or something. im all packed and its really sad, and im over the weight limit by 2 kilos, oh well.... my tote contains 4 purses, which i think is rather humorous. i fit all my clothes (of which i didnt need over half of) and all my shoes, into one bag. i was rather proud of that. today my bags weight 38 kilos which is about 84 pounds no fun. today i took video of my house and at 1 im supposed to take a picture with my host grandparents. sunday i went to a magician he used me in a trick because im american, i got a bent up spoon. i dunno how the bent up spoon trick works, but it was neat none the less.
i should be home between 7-9 thursday, so if anyone wants to do anything i think friday would be nice. but it you want i dont think id be too opposed to thursday evening
unfortunately my time is up, farewell. see you all soon
みか |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|06:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sikaydas (spelled horribly) | ] |
this compy sucks!!! it wont let me sign on aim, or check my mail and it doesnt have a location bar on the sites, so if i want to change sites i have to open a new page and type it in the search thing. its also about a million years old, and i only get 30 minutes on it..
in othe news i almost died this morning, i got all dizzy and fell down and my throat closed up, never fear though, i fixed myself with ice. my heads still pounding.
my host grandparents made kougaku take me to the library. they said take your big sister to the library, and he said my sister is in australia. it almost hurt, but then again, its true. i wouldnt want to walk someone to the library in this heat either. let alone when they know where it is.
ive only got 6 more days here. on saturday im getting the last of the gifts, and sunday im going to see a psychic. i dunno why.
i just was lena!! shes a girl from seiwa, he grandma comes to the liquor store all the time to hand out with my grandma! weird. shes going to guam monday....
i have to get off in 6 minutes. boooo. oh well... maybe theyll let me on later today
mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2005|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
today was my last day of school, it was quite sad. first we took pictures, and they gave me flowers, then there was mass, which was possibly the most boring thing ever, i enjoyed the the father chanted in japanese instead of latin. then we went back to class and i said my litte goodbye in japanese, they tried to recipricate, but english failed them, a few people cried. they passed around some thing that they were signing, it was a picture of the whole class on a card type thing. nanako cried again, she took about 20 pictures of me, we had custard things, i got coffee, which tasted like mold, but thats okay. that was all. it was really sad though, i got a bunch of peoples email addresses. ill miss them, even though i may not have learned their names. i plan to come back next winter break, if i can get up the money. anyone that wants to come with, we can split expenses and such.
mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|03:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disoriented | ] |
so updates... saturday and sunday i went to like a retreat type dealie with yfu, it was sort of stupid, but i met some people that made me laugh til it hurt, so it made me feel like home, but it made me miss it too. first we went to fukuoka which was a 3 hour drive, ate lunch took a picture went to a castle, was larger and less cool than hirado castle, then a 2 hour train ride to aso, we watched videos to tell us what to do, unfortunately they were in japanese, so we all kind of winged it, shared a room with 5 other girls, made friends with only males, and we all wore yukata's and bon danced and such, it was lovely. im hoping to see some of them on summer break here next monday. today is holiday so i didnt have school, so we went to a ninja village. yeah, NINJA VILLAGE! they were actors of course but it was still pretty neat. i got candles and insense and 2 key chains. i had to talk myself out of a sword, because i dont know enough japanese to declare it and explain it at customs so i wouldnt know if theyd take it away, it was on the list of things you had to mention if you had along with explosives so... then we picked up some random korean woman and drove her to the bus station, none of us knew her, i have a picture with her though and she has my email addy, on the way home i ate real ramen, which is actually raamen, it was yummy. then i was reading in bed... and this spider as big as my hand crawled across the floor, i freaked out, it was furry! i took a picture, but the flash made it look really small, i had to go get my host mum to kill it because i was in a state of shook and lacking objects i wanted to get spider guts on. thats pretty much it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|10:10 am] |
um, not much to say... uh... fairly sick, getting worse. not that anyone much minds... so, i wont be online for the next 13 days, since my host parents have a pop up blocker that blocks my buddy list, and of course, no one will talk to me. lovely. feeling pretty down. oh well. my heads pounding, i think ill take a nap, nothing to stay up for.
mika |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|12:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
TEN Random Things About Me
1. I'm in japan!
2. I like to sleep in on wednesdays.
3. I really displike when theres potatoes on my sandwiches.
4. I'm rereading the Harry Potter series.
5. I hate pants.
6. I wish no one was upset with me.
7. I like dancing.
8. I really dont like crying.
9. I dont like wearing skirts without tights or stockings.
10. I'm in the library.
NINE Ways To Win My Heart
1. Love me as I am
2. Dont ask thing of me you know i cant do
3. Dont ignore me
4. Tell me what you want to say
5. Dont tell me things that are lies to make me feel better
6. But dont be mean about the truth
7. Hold me
8. Dont make me feel too stupid
9. Dont let me not be me
EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Be happy with everything and everyone just for second
2. Write a book that someone i dont know wants to read
3. Make a difference
4. Remember
5. Do something anyone that hears about it will never forget
6. Have a day where i dont question what might have been
7. Smile for a whole day
8. Try surfing
SEVEN Ways To Annoy Me
1. moving my things
2. telling me lies
3. when im stupid
4. when other people are stupid
5. being woken up on weekends
6. when people think things are worse than they really are
7. when i dont have the courage to stand up to people
SIX Things I Believe In
1. that nothings ever that bad
2. smiling
3. love
4. Stephanie
5. people change
6. the na form of japanese adjectives
FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of
1. change
2. hights
3. being alone
4. not being loved
5. plane crashes
FOUR Favorite Items In My Room
1. my pillow
2. My compy
3. duct tape roses from sean
4. the blanket my mum made me
THREE Things I Do Everyday
1. breathe
2. blink
3. miss someone
TWO Things I Want To Do Right Now
1. be held
2. have a meaningful conversation
ONE Person I Want to See Right Now
1. ...Steph. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|10:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dance-y | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cater 2 u from alices pc | ] |
im sort of tired of writing in this journal, and the paper journal, this journal people read and ridicule, and im not just talking about me either, i read other peoples too and they have comments that question everything they write, usually in not such a friendly way. maybe someone just wants to feel a certain way and saying something bad about it wont change how they feel, itll only make them feel bad for feeling it. maybe im just being stupid, people have a right to feel how they feel too, and express it, but does it have to be on my journal?
im also tired of people telling me how great it is to be in japan. youre not here, you dont have to go through the hard parts, so shut up already. im allowed to feel down when its not that great. its still another family, with another set of problems, so stop telling me how im the one screwing everything up. like its not hard enough settling into someone elses life when youre obviously not them, but lets make half your friends make you feel like a screw up on top of. lets also make you like different than everyone else around you, so much that small children point and stare because theyve never seen anyone so pale, and then lets just for fun make everyone around you pretend not to understand any english at random intervals. yeah, have fun with that. i know this is a wonderful oppertunity but will everyone stop telling me how much better it should be?
enough of my whining, in current news, i think ive got whatever made emma not come to school today, i feel quite ill. i went to english and oral communication today, we watch toy story and played bingo in oc. it was nice, i won erasers that smell like stuff. i dont plan to go to any more classes, but ill probably sign off soon and read, or braid nathans hair.
mika |
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mikaaogiri's journal